Life or Death?
by Lost-Freak-wonders
Summary: It's basically about Buffy having to make life threatening disisions about herself and in the meantime doesn't want to worry about her new found lover Faith. Very Fuffy.
1. Life Or Death

**A/N: Hope you like it. It may take a week you get chapter 2 typed out but for now you have chapter 1. **

**Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They all belong to Joss Whedon.**

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Chapter 1

Life or Death?

Buffy was walking home one day from working at the high school in Cleveland. She was humming the Cleveland High School Song. She had no idea why she liked humming the song so much. It made her hapy though so it was all good for her. Unknowingly she was being followed my a Kalchaka demon. Nasty little devils that can only be killed if they are stabbed thrice in the gut. Buffy had only run into a demon like it once before and had began carrying a knife like object in her bag. Never knowing when one might strike her.

Today although she was humming she was thinking about Faith. She had no idea why she couldn't get her off her mind. It'd been 3 weeks and Buffy still was unable to get her off her mind and didn't know why but it was all going to be okay cause as she walked home she realised why. She loved Faith.

_Love Faith? How can I love her. She'd use me for all I know. sides she's not even that cute. Buffy thought. She probably doesn't love me anyways._

Truth was Faith did love Buffy she just wouldn't say anything. Though love wasn't exactally on Buffies mind at the second she had just heard something.

"Hello?" Buffy said, "Anybody there?"

There was a soft growling sound that stopped just after Buffy asked the questions. Buffy turned in slow circles and then when she had her back turned the Kalchaka jumped and pinned Buffy to the ground. Buffy able to move her arms she grabbed her purse and then pulled the knife out just as the demon leaned over to her ear and whispered "Master says you Die."

"Okay." Buffy said stabbing the demon. "I'll tell him I recieved the message." She stabbed him 2 more times. It yelled in pain but was cut off and died fast. Smiling Buffy got up and continued her walk home.

Flash back to a week ago when Faith was in her room talking to herself

"Buffy? I need to tell you something. No no no that won't work. Buffy can we talk? No Um- Buff I need to confess something. NO That isn't gonna work." Faith was having trouble trying to find a way to tell Buffy her feelings. "Willow? Yo Will can you get in here?"

"Be right there Faith." Willow said as she walked to Faiths room. "Yeah Faith?"

"I need your help. Girl to Girl." Faith said.

Looking a bit on the untrusting side to what faith said Willow replied with "my help? With what?"

"See your a lesbian right?" Faith asked and Willow nodded, "Good. Then can you help me fig a way to tell this girl I like that I well ya know like her?"

"Um Faith are you sure you want my help? I mean not that I can't help you." Will said.

" I just I can't keep my mind off **her**." Faith said with emphasis on the word her.

"Uh can I know who this her is?" Will asked.

"It's Buffy and don't you dare tell her. I'll hurt you if you tell her. Got me?" Faith told willow.

"Got it. Well First off find her like and dislikes and then figure it out from there. Now I gotta go." Willow said not liking being threatened by the ex-muderer.

end flashback

In Faiths room in the present

"Okay I followed your instructions Willow. Now what? Tell her my feelings? she'll only freakout." Faith said to herself. Not wanting to be heard.

Buffy knocks on Faiths door making Faith jumped. "Come in."

Buffy walks in and looks at the floor. "Faith I have to tell you something and I don't know how you will take it but I can't go on unless I tell you." Buffy said "It may be a little shocking and I don't want you to hate me when I tell you."

Faith looked at Buffy and wondered what she was wanting to say. _She doesn't want me to leave her alone does she? Oh god Willow didn't tell her I Love Buffy did she? Damn do I hope she didn't Faith thought._

"I love you. I have for a while now" Buffy admited very softly to the floor.

Faith could hardly hear her but thought she knew what was being said. "What? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I LOVE YOU" Buffy said way louder it was almost a yell.

Faith was shocked and yet she smiled and ran into Buffies arms. "I never thought I'd hear you say that B." She admited. "Fact be I've been wanting to tell you for a while that I love you and can't ever get you off my mind and I just want to be"

At that point Buffy joined in "I just want to be with you forever and I never want you to ever leave me or anything." The girls said in unison.

Smiling Buffy Kissed Faith and then after what seemed like hours the kiss broke and Buffy started to tell Faith that she had been jumped by a Kalchaka demon when Dawn entered the room. "Damn you two are loud. I heard you all the way downstairs. And Buffy Spike wants a word with you."

"Tell him that him and I are over and I don't love him anymore. Please." Buffy said and kissed Faith again. "Oh and Dawn Tell spike I'm explaining something to my girl." She smiled.

"Okay. He's not gonna be happy though." Dawn replied.

"I don't care. Just tell him okay." She said and Dawn rushed out of the room and then Buffy turned back to Faith. "Now where were we? Oh yes I was about to tell you about the jumping I got today."

Faith looked concerned at Buffy. "What was it? A student a demon what?" Faith asked.

"It was a demon. A Kalchaka demon to be exact. It's no big. I killed him but hew did jump me. I thought you should know." Buffy said giving it a sort of brush off.

"A KALCHAKA DEMON? THAT'S THE WORST B!" Faith yelled.

(willow enters the room) "Who ran into the Kalchaka?" She asked

"Buff did and then she tells me" Faith sighs and rubs her head softly. "Anyways. Am I the first you've told babe?"

"Yep." Buffy said. "First person to know last person on earth I'd expect to hate me."

"Well I can't hate you B I love ya." Faith replied.

Willow Sighed unknowing what the heck was going on she exited the room

Happy to be left alone the girls dropped the subject and started a full Makeout session.

(With Xander in a store)

Xander is walking around looking for the stuff Buffy had put on the list of "Needs" for things from the store. Finding everything just fine he notices a really hot woman looking for something and unable to find it so he goes over to her.

"Need any help young Lady?" He asked

"Uh yeah. I need to find the animal Isle and seem unable to locate it. Where would it be?" She asked.

"Uh 3 Isles over and a little farther down." Xander said. "Hey you wanna go out with me?"

"What?" She asked. "I don't even know your name."

"Oh Uh I'm Xander." He replied.

"I'm Lena Katina. Kat or Lena to friends." She smiled. "I'd love to get coffee with you. Later maybe?" She started walking away.

"Right. I'll see ya tonight then." Xander said and smiled. "Yes I got a date."

Xander walks over to isle 9 and get the last thing on his list and goes to the checkout to pay for all the stuff he had. After he had paid for it he put it in his car and drove off and headed home.

(In Willows and Kennedy's room)

"Ken do you know where my clogs are?" Willow asked her girlfriend.

"Did you check under the bed?" Kennedy asked looking over to Willow who nodded. "Well try Dawn. She did take them that one time and forgot to give them back."

"Right Okay I'll be back in a few." Willow said getting up and exiting the room.

Alone in the room Kennedy looks around and sighs. "Why does she always have to be in such a hurry? I never get anytime with her anymore unless it's just before bed." Kennedy wispered to herself. "She never has time for me. Atleast not since we came here. It's always one thing or another. I miss her now and I wish she had more time for me."

At that the door had opened slightly and Willow heard Kennedy talking to herself and wondered who this she was that Kennedy was talking about. _Is it me? Have I been spending less and less time with her? No I spend all the time I can with her. Willow thought_.

Walking in the room and keeping the tears back Willow askes "Who's been spending Less and less time with you?"

Kennedy jumped and looked. "You. I didn't think you where listening to me though."

"I have?" Willow asked and Kennedy nodded and let Willow continue "I didn't mean to or know really. I've been vusy and you haven't found a spare second to tell me.."Willow had a few tears rolling down her cheeks "To tell me your feelings?"

"Willow I hardly get to talk to you. You really think I could tell you. I mean HELLO! we only talk for a few seconds at night." Kennedy said.

Willow fell to the floor looking at her girlfriend wishing Kennedy had told her sooner. "If I had only known I would of kicked some things off my schedual." she said softly. "I really would have."

Kennedy walked over and sat down next to Willow and wrapped her arms around her and Willow in turn put her around Kennedy to feel the comfort.

(Buffy/Faith)

"Mmmm Buff I had no idea you could be so wild." Faith smiled looking at her new girl. "I like it."

Buffy smiled and kissed Faith again. "Wild? Hardly. You're the wild one." She giggled.

"Really? Thanks." Faith said as they walked downstairs and off to the Kitchen.

It was about 9 in the evening and both had just thought about the sun being down and decided to grab a bite to eat before heading out to do a bit of slaying. Though they both knew that if they were to stay together they would makeout more then try toi find Vamps to slay so they decided they would slit and go different ways for the night and meet back at home. So at 9:30 they both left the house ad went off in seperate directions.

(Buffy)

"Oh god I wish Faith was here. there aren't any vampires around here." Buffy said but she realized she spoke too soon. Off in the distance she heard a scream for help.

Running toward the scream she wondered what she was gonig to do. She had only 2 weapons and had no idea what she was going to face. But instead of running away she ran for the scream and when she reached the area of where it had come from she saw an extra big bomb and there was only 2 ways to disarm it and Faith was trying to but had no idea how. Seeing this Buffy ran up to the bomb and Faith. The Bomb had a riddle to disarm it on the side. They read:

Death is the only way to stop it.

Blood flow is inevitable

Help is to be wanted but not had.

To Die or live?

Life is to death as you are to what?

What is the only thing to do to stop me?

The one thing only slayers can do

Yet the one thing many humans fear to have happen and wish for it in their sleep.

As Buffy read the riddle she realized what she had to do. Either Die and leave Faith or let the world be destroyed Any way she looked at it either she or the world had to die. Her fight was with herself. She didn't want to leave Faith behind and heart broken but she had to she couldn't let the world be distroyed. she decided. Buffy would kill herself to stop the bomb.

Buffy walked over to Faith who was trying to disarm the bomb and whispered in her ear "I'm so sorry about this baby. I really am but I have to do it. For you myfriends and the world. Please forgive me." Buffy climbed to the top of the bomb and stabbed herself knowing it to be the only way. Just as Faith realized it she climbed to the top of the bomb and cried looking into her lovers eyes as Buffy, dead now because of the stab in the heart, jerked.

"God no B. What'd ya have to do this for?" Faith said crying. "WHY? why?"

As she said this the bomb ticked one last time then gave a soft thttt sound and died. Buffy had did it. She had saved the day again but at the cost of her own life.

(back at the house)

Faith had carried her lovers body home and now sat on the couch crying over her. Willow brought her a cup of tea but Faith hardly touched it. She wasn't wanting anything to eat or drink she wanted Buffy. The problem was she was dead.

_Oh god I can't believe she's dead. She couldn't have died. No she didn't. I'm dreaming. Faith thought_. But she wasn't. She was wide awake and she knew it. _There was nobody up there with her so she can't have died. Unless...no she wouldn't have. She'd never commit suicide. Unless it was to save me and I was doing fine with the disabling of the bomb. Then Why? Why did she die?_

Faith knew why. Buffy had seen somehting she hadn't ewith the bomb she had seen the way to disable it and did it. she killed herself for everybody. Faith just didn't want to believe it.

"Faith she's dead. I know how it feels to loss someone you love/loved. I really do." Willow said trying to calm Faith down. "I've seen her dead before. She doesn't stay dead long. Trust me I know for a fact she doesn't. On the other hand Tara is dead and won't ever come back. I know that. You should know your not alone in the whole greavance thing. Everybody loved her."

"Thanks Will. But I just can't believe she is dead. I mean just a few hours ago her and I had let eachother know our feelings. Now this? I don't know if I can deal." Faith admited. "I knew we had to go on patrol though but I didn't think She'd die."

"You can and you won't go all veiny either. That was my deal. But you aren't going to go all veiny." Willow told her. "And you'll be just fine."

Faith wanted to believe her but it was so hard. Buffy had been her every thought of everyday for the past while now and she finally gets her chance and now this? It just couldn't be happening.

_We should never have split to go slaying. Who would have cared if we had made out all night atleast she would be alive. Alive and safe. Now she's dead and will never come back. Faith thought. Never come back and all because we knew we'd makeout the whole time if we stuck together._

Knowing she may never be the same Faith walked up the stair and in to her room which was next to Buffy's and packed her things and was planning to leave into the darkness and never come back. Her plans almost worked until Willow and Kennedy walked into her room.

"Faith where are you going?" Willow asked.

"Away" Was Faiths reply

"Away? Why Away?" Kennedy asked

"I have no right staying here. This place nolonger has anything for me. I know that now. Buffy is gone and I have nothing left here. You have enough slayers her to take patrols and Kennedy can be in charge of them. I can't stay here. I have to leave" Faith said "I have to."

"But Faith you can't just go. What about Buffy's Burial? I mean she's going to be buried. I bet she'd want you at her burial." Willow said.

Faith not wanting to go but not wanting to stay sat her things on her bed and decided to stay. "Fine I'll stay but only until the burial."

(Hospital)

"Ms. Rosenburge?" The nurse said walking into the waiting room.

Willow got up and walked over to her. Faith was at home greiving and so Willow took the liberty of going to the Hospital to see Buffy.

"She's stable now. She's not going to be able to talk anytime soon but she is alive. You got her here just in time. And did you mention that she has a girlfriend who doesn't know yet that she is alive though was presumed dead by her?" The nurse said.

"I did." Willow said. "Can I see her now?"

"Oh yes. Right this way." She replied.

Willow followed her and hoping that Faith would be happy when Buffy got released from the hospital in a few days and not to angry at her for keeping it a secret.

A few seconds later Willow and the nurse walked into the room Buffy was staying in. Happy she could see her friend she wasn't caring about the brused tissue around her face. Buffy was awake but barely able to talk. So Willow decided it best to keep her silent.

"Hey Buffy. Don't worry about talking just think real loud and I'll hear you. Can you do that for me?" Willow asked as Buffy nodded. "Okay."

"Willow why am I alive? I'm suppose to be dead." Buffy thought so Willow could hear. "Why?"

Willow looked at Buffy she had no Idea how to explain it. _Should I tell her? It is her life that got saved. Willow thought._ "It's a long long long story." she finally decided.

"I got time. I'm stuck here for atleast another 3 days." Buffy thought.

"Okay.Well From what I heard you stabbed yourself to stop a bomb. Faith has been crying all day and she..." Willow had begun.

"Is she here? Oh god I don't want her to see me like this." Buffy interupted.

"No she's at home. She thinks your dead. now as I was saying. She's been crying all day and she almost left today saying there was nothing left here for her. Kennedy and I said she might want to wait a few days. Until your Supposed funeral. Only Kennedy Giles and I know your still alive." Willow said "But anyways. Faith carried you home and Giles did a healing spell to ease Faith's pain. What she doesn't know is you lived. We called 911 and they came took your pulse and other things. Said you'd need alot of blood and a little tissue recovery before you could be sent home when you got here. So that's why Giles know. Kennedy and I watched him do the whole healing spell. and when the ambulence got to our house they took care of you and Kennedy and I went on doing our normal things and a few of your chores."

"Wow that was kinda lingthy" Buffy said softly.

"Shhhhh no talking. You need to save your strength top get well faster." Willow told Buffy.

Buffy sat up acting perfectly fine. "theres nothing wrong with my strenght Will" She said. "It my gut that's hurting. And the doc said I didn't harm anything to important. No big organs or anything."

Willow smiled and gave Buffy a soft hug. "I'm just glad your alive. If Giles had been any later with the spell you'd be dead again." Willow said as Buffy hugged her back. "Well I have to go for now. I'll be back in the morning to check up on you."

"Okay. Night Will." buffy said.

"Night buff" Willow said exiting Buffies room.


	2. Alive For Now

**A/N: Sorry for it taking so long to update. I've been really busy. Enjoy and I will update soon I hope.**

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Willow had arrived home and Giles came up to her and whispered something so softly she hardly heard her.

"What? She asked him.

"How was she?" He asked a little louder but still in a soft whisper.

"Fine. Why are you whispering?" She whispered. "It's really not worth it. they need to know and hardly anybody is up anyways."

"Oh..." Giles coughed slightly. "Right I um don't know."

"Okay then." Willow whispered to herself. "Wheres Faith I think she has a right to know now regardless of Buffy's order not to tell."

Giles pointed to Buffy's room. "She's real depressed I think you should..." He started before realizing Willow was already opening the door to Buffy's room. he grabbed her arm and stopped her.

"Giles she has the right to know Buffy is alive." Willow said in a loud voice that made Giles release her. "She has the right." Willow gave Giles a glaring look then nito her best friends room to comfort her bestfriends lover.

"What do you want?" Faith sniffed. "Cause unless you have good news as to Buffy then I dont wanna talk."

"Actually I do." Willow said. "Buffy isnt dead."

"Don't even try giving me that Will. I've heard it from Giles earlier when I called for you. He came instead. I want to know if she isn't dead where is she? how is she? and why did I see her die?"

"She hadn't lost all of her blood when you brought her home she's at the hosptal she's doing fine though she looks like crap. Gile checked her pulse when you brought her home and it was faint very faint. I didn't feel it and I assume you didn't either but he did and we called 911 to come and take care of her. She's in stable condition---" Willow cut off as the phone rang.

Faith picked it up "Summers, Rosenburge and Harison Residance This is Faith speaking. how may I help you?" She answered trying to keep the tears out of her voice.

"Um is Willow there?" Came a voice.

"Um Yeah who's this?"

"My names..." There was a pause before the voice continued "Jaki"

"Okay." Faith said "Will a person named Jaki is on the phone for you." She handed the phone to Willow.

"Jaki? What are you doing calling now your suppose to be on bed rest. Why not have called my CELL?" Willow said.

"Will. I would have called it but I knew if I called the home phone and disguised my voice I'd be able to hear Faith. But anyways. I'm out of here tomorrow the doctor said. Tell Faith that I'm alive for me please and bring her with." Buffy (who had called herself Jaki to Faith) told Willow.

"You tell her. She's your..."She broke off realizing Faith was standing right behind her.

"She's right behind you isn't she?" Buffy asked figuring it's why she stopped.

"Yeah. Here Faith she has something to tell you." she told Faith then "The truth got it"she told Buffy.

"Okay" Both the girls said at once.

"Faith talking again." Faith said

"Hey baby" Buffy said.

"Buffy?" Faith said unsure. "B is it really you?" Tears rolling down her face.

"Yeah babe it's me." Buffy replied.

"Oh my god but you I saw you you died." Faith said

"Well I was dead for a few seconds and then Giles brought me back I think anyways I'm alive." Buffy said. "Anyways I don't stay dead for long anyways."

Both the girls laughed for a few then Faith asked "When do you get to come home? I really miss you baby"

"Tomorrow according to my doctor. Latest is Thursday." Buffy responded.

"I can't wait to see you B. When so visiting hours end?" Faith asked her

"Ended as soon as Willow left but they said if I had a person come to stay the night with me then visiting with them is all night." Buffy said.

"I'm gonna come B. I have to see you." Faith said

"Okay." Buffy smiled to herself "See you soon." "I hope"She added to herself.

Less then an hour later Faith arrived at the hospital and asked where Buffy was.

"Visiting hours are over dear. Unless you are Family."

"I am family. Please just let me see her. I just got news this morning she was here." Faith teared up.

"Whats your relation?" The nurse asked.

"Mother in law." Faith said. "Her dad Married me a month ago."

"Alright follow me." the nurse said and walked to buffy's room. "I warn you this is against hospital rules Mother in laws shouldn't be allowed in."

"Listen lady I'm no mother in law. I'm her lover." She said "And I happen to help her save your ass from Vampires and Demons nightly.

so just let me in get that stupid look off your face and don't ask anymore questions got it."

The nurse didn't ask anymore questions and did as Faith said and let her in.

"Thank you." Faith entered Buffy's Hospital room .

"Hey Baby. Nurse give you a problem? Cause I could report it." Buffy said.

"Nah It's all good. How are you?" Faith said in reply.

"Better. Lucky I have super heal ability." Buffy said. "How about you? You look all Pale."

"I'm doing okay." Faith said not wanting to admit she had been crying all day.

"I missed you" Buffy said.

"I missed you to babe" Faith replied walking closer to Buffy.

(back at the house)

"Willow wheres Faith?" Giles asked.

"Oh she went to the hospital to see Buffy."

"She what?"

"She went to the hostital to see BUFFY" Willow put extra emphisis on the last word.

"And you let her go?"

"Yeah. She has a right to see Buffy if she wants and besides Buffy asked her to come."

"She what?" Giles looked motified. "Willow you know Buffy Isn't suppose to have guests right now and you know what Faith has.." He broke off as Xander paused next to him.

"Has done? Giles man lighten up. Faith isn't going to harm anybody at the hospital." Willow replied.

"Wow lets back up here a second. Faiths gone to see who where?" Xander said puzzled.

"Faith went to see Buffy at the Hospital. Buffy ased her to and I'm guessing Faith got in considering she's not back yet." Willow said.

"Okay. Wiat you let her go. Willow you know that If Faith doesn't get her way she might kill the nurse or a doctor. That would be a bad. We have to go get her." Xander said.

"She wouldn't kill if she wanted to stay with Buffy and we all know she does so she wouldn't have killed just to see her." Willow assured the guys. "I know she wouldn't."

"Well I'm going" Xander said and Giles nodded in agreement.

"Me to."Giles said as he and Xander walked out of the front door.

"Guys! Guys! Please wait will you." Willow said. "If your leaving you have to take me too. I care about them both just as much if not more then you."

Giles found that hard to believe but let Willow come.

(hospital)

Giles, Willow, and Xander walked up to the front desk.

"Hello. Welcome to Cleveland hospital. Visiting hours are over unless you are family. How may I help you?" The Nurse behind the counter rambled off as she had so many times before.

"Yes we are here to see Buffy. I am her Uncle. This is my son and daughter. we would like to see her please." Giles said.

"I'm sorry but I have already been Tricked once and the red head is her best friend so I know you must be really sad but you can't see her unless you can provide proof of being on her family tree."

"I thought you might say that." Giles whispered.

Willow wisked out the Family line adding her giles and Xander to it in the process under the last name of Summers. "This proof enough for you lady?" She asked handing the family tree to the nurse.

"How come you didn't say you had this. Of course of course right this way." The nurse said realizing she had just told family of a pacient they couldn't see her. "She's in here. Of course so is another girl." She pointed in and saw Faith next to Buffy both smiling and happy.

Giles opened the door and went in with Willow and Xander following him and the nurse going back to her normal position at the front desk.

"GILES?" Buffy said. "Oh my god what are you doing here and" Seeing Willow and Xander "With them?"

"They thought that if Faith couldn't get in she would kill the person who said no so she could see you and I was right she hadn't. She was smart and had her way in planned before she got here just as we did now can we go Giles it's obvious I was right now." Willow said. "They need their time alone."

Giles nodded. "Yes I suppose you are right." Giles coughed softly "It was great to see you Buffy." He said leaving the room.

"Not going to stay a bit longer for a visit? That was short. Did she kick you out?" The Nurse asked as the three where on their way out.

"Oh no um We just remembered we have to get home so we can make sure her sister and her friends are okay. They don't know that she's here. they thought she died. I just got word of it yesterday because Jasmine called to tell me she was here." Willow said. "Have a blessed night."

"Okay you have fun."

"Oh we will. Bye." They all said as they left.

(just as they get back)

Dawn was sitting on the porch with the cordless phone in her hand having just gotten off the phone with the nurse at the hospital. As she saw the car pull up out front she got up and walked over to it. When Giles got out of the passengers side she slapped him. "Basterard." She said.

"What did I do?" Giles said.

"Why didn't you tell me Buffy was still alive? Why didn't you tell me that you where leaving to go see her. Did it ever occur to you that I anted to see her? that I wanted to know that she was alive?" Dawn asked near tears.

"Dawnie we were going to tell you but..." Willow began when Dawn walked to her and kicked her.

"Dumbass."

"I deserve that but she didn't want you to know. She said she wanted her homecoming to be a suprise." Willow said. "For you and the others."

"Then why did Faith get to know? And before me I mean hello I'm her sister. Why is Faith so important?" Dawn asked.

"Faith and Buffy are going out." Xander said. "So Buffy told her before you. She wanted it to be a suprise that she was alive. So how many people have you told? How many of them know now that she's alive?"

"So the girlfriend gets to know but not the sister? Great." Dawn said.

"Dawnie answer my question HOW MANY PEOPLE KNOW?" He emphisized the question.

"You 3 me whoever you had told before me and well me. I haven't told any of the others."

"Good." Giles said. "Don't tell them. Buffy is coming home tomorrow and she wants it to be a suprise so act suprised when we get her home okay."

"Alright," Dawn said, "I'll act suprised."


End file.
